Puttering Around: PGA Championship Recap
THERE IS NO AWARD I COULD GIVE THAT COULD DO THIS JUSTICE SO LET’S JUST GO WITH GOOD OL’ FASHIONED OLD GUY OF THE WEEK AWARD: PHIL MICKELSON
As Jim Nantz poetically exclaimed while the sun prepared to set at Kiawah Island’s Ocean Course, Phil Mickelson has defeated Father Time. And, this wasn’t some narrow, fourth quarter battle with Mr. Time, like that of Lee Westwood, who I fawned over in March after he placed second in back-to-back weeks at 47 years old.
Lefty’s achievement was far greater. His shellacking of “Old Man Clock” can be equalled by few humans. In college football terms, the scoreboard of Mickelson Vs Time looked more like ‘16 Cumberland/Georgia Tech than ‘18 Georgia/Alabama, two battles of the pigskin which took place in different millenia, both 1,000 year periods that contained at least 13 TriumPhils on the PGA Tour.
When Phil Mickelson, 50 and all, was put in a featured group at the Valspar Championship, I had a wonderful time, oohing and aahing (Side note: Has anyone ever solely oohed? Or only aahed? Or are they a permanent package deal?) at his magic around the green, even as the driver and blade putter did him in.
The next week, I got to see more of him on another Thursday, while I repeated my Thursday afternoon tradition of pushing Spanish homework to the evening in favor of professional golf. He did not disappoint, with a Thursday 64 to lead the field by 2 strokes at Quail Hollow, one of the hardest places to golf in the US. Do yourself a favor and don’t look up how he finished the final 54 of the Wells Fargo Championship.
While the 18 hole lead certainly caught my eye, smaller accomplishments at smaller events were not going to blow my mind. At this point, Phil was a first-class supporting character in the circus we call the Professional Golf Association Tour, one who would catch your eye with marvelous up-and-downs and the occasional low 60s round, but a guy who may never get the limelight turned onto him once again.
“Was” and “were” are the key words of that paragraph. No longer can we state such things using the present tense. Phil Mickelson is no longer Sideshow Bob. He is now Mainshow Robert. I’m also being told that the guy Sideshow Bob was a sideshow for is named Krusty The Clown, so him too. Although I wouldn’t recommend calling a fellow who just won the PGA Championship a clown.
2 weeks ago, I wrote, “In a game where perfection is impossible, Phil Mickelson has FLAWLESSLY executed a difficult task.” This week, that quote could be applied to his driver, which did not betray him like it has so many times before. It could be used on his irons and wedges, where he made his money by setting up birdies on the approach, like on 10, or avoid bogeys, if not make birdies like he miraculously did on 5, from the sand and rough. It could even be used on the fundamental flatstick, which did not gain him strokes, but came through time and time again from short/medium range, like to close out the tournament with sturdy, never in doubt 2 putts on 17 and 18.
That sentence in my Quail Hollow recap referred to none of those things. It just talked about how impressed I was about Mickelson executing the “Exposure Theory,” one of my 35 dumbest ideas, on how if you go low 60s on Thursday, and crash and burn the rest of the week, at least you got TV exposure. It’s a great sound bite for a major winner though - let’s try using it again and hope most of the audience skipped this paragraph, something I probably shouldn’t pray for as someone who wants people to read his work. Here goes nothing:
In a game where perfection is impossible, Phil Mickelson has FLAWLESSLY executed a difficult task. At Kiawah, he wasn’t just among the 16 who did not stop at the par benchmark of 288. After blowing out candles for a 50th time (don’t worry; he didn’t have to extinguish 50 sets of flames before playing golf), the old guy refused to drop out of contention at a notoriously difficult course with a distinguished field alongside him. He would still walk into the sunset one day, a heroic golf career behind him. Sunday, he strolled into the horizon of the meeting point of the Atlantic Ocean and South Carolina, accompanied by a Trophy named Wanamaker.
ENCORE AWARD: PHIL MICKELSON
Ok, let’s do it again. Phil deserves the first encore in Puttering Around history:
Just sit down. Remind yourself that a FIFTY YEAR OLD won the PGA Championship. What were you doing at age 50? Ask me in 35 years, but probably answering a question I asked myself 35 years ago. Hopefully I don’t spend the entire year answering that question, or else my answer might just be answering the question.
Not just any 50 year old either, but Phil Mickelson, whose contributions to the sport and its consumption are rivalled by few.
Soak it in. Mutter to yourself “Just wow” a couple times. Appreciate the magnitude of a win of an all-time great at 50.
KNEES OF THE WEEK: THOSE OF BROOKS KOEPKA
I didn’t believe it. I said it couldn’t be done. I doubted the Floridaman. I suggested he didn’t have knees. Through it all, be it through science, art, or magic, Brooks Koepka has done the impossible.
He has made me think he probably has knees still.
Although, who could say? Perhaps this surgery was simply to remove his knees; he didn’t rank second in strokes gained tee-to-green for no reason. I’m willing to bet that success with the woods and irons didn’t come out of nowhere, and I’m sure the most logical explanation is a missing pair of knees.
Koepka fell apart on the Sunday Par 5s, where he logged a double bogey, two bogeys, and a stat-pad birdie once out of contention. Still, after starting in the final group Sunday, and taking a 55 hole lead over Phil Mickelson, this week can only be described as successful for Brooks Koepka.
After skeptics such as myself pencilled (NOTE: I did not PEN him in with permanent marker) him in to miss the cut (ANOTHER NOTE: Picking him to have no Saturday/Sunday tee time at Kiawah had nothing to do with his game; it merely judged from his “Rule of Threes” play throughout the season where he’d struggle for 3 tournaments, and then succeed for the next 3), he didn’t just prove them us wrong for that pick, he made it loud and clear that major tournament Brooks Koepka was not a relic of the 2010s, reaching double digits in Top 4 finishes at the Big 4.
As we all know, there are four tournaments that stand above all others - the Open Championship British Open, US Open, PGA Championship, and The Masters. If you were to poll professional golfers on which events they’d like to play best at, most of them would rank that quartet at the top, with a few money-grubbers saying Players Championship or Tour Championship, and some patriots saying Ryder Cup or Presidents Cup.
In those pivotal four, Brooks Koepka always brings the heat, when few others can say they could ramp it up for majors. That, alongside his complete Edwards-on-Yutanabe poster of Bryson DeChambeau is why he’ll go down as a golf legend.
MASTER PREDICTOR AWARD: ME
Self-love (read: bragging) is very important to me. That is why I will take this section to flex about how I predicted (read: mentioned by multiple degrees of separation) the PGA Championship Champion. Heading in, I promised (read: said maybe perhaps I could) I could ace my picks. And I did.
I told you Joe Summerhays would not win the PGA Championship. Joe Summerhays did not win the PGA Championship.
Another prediction involved Brooks Koepka not making the cut, which implies Brooks Koepka will not win. Brooks Koepka did not win.
Finally, I may not have mentioned the PGA Champion, as I claimed I would. I have 3 responses:
I mentioned Phil in my recap of the Wells Fargo Championship the week before, so that should count for 99% credit
I mentioned a San Diegoan between the ages of 26 and 51 who had won the Tour Championship and WGC Champions looking to get a huge victory that would mark a major milestone at the US Open at their home course of Torrey Pines
How do you know I didn’t mention Phil in my preview, anyway? I could’ve easily slipped it in at the end, 500 words after your eyes glazed over while I waxed poetic on Dustin Johnson’s marital status. Or, maybe I typed the name of every person playing at the end in white font. Who’s to say?
BEST LIPS: N/A
WORST LIPS: JORDAN SPIETH
I initially devised this topic thinking I could kill two birds with one stone.
I wanted to comment on A. the several unlucky lip-outs on close putts from Jordan Spieth, who could’ve been in serious contention if he had gotten some rolls, by which I do not mean if he fattened up, but if the golf ball that belonged to him flew in the hole, instead of just bouncing out, on his many “50-50 putts” and B. The lips I deemed the best of anyone on the PGA Tour.
I came to two realizations:
I don’t know who has the best lips in golf. I don’t even know who owns the best lips in anything. If you put two people next to each other and ask me to compare their lips, I probably won’t have an overwhelming decision on who is better
Even if I did have a favorite set of lips on the PGA Tour, it seems extremely eccentric to comment on the lips of professional golfers
OOOOOOOOOSTHUIZEN AWARD: LOUIS OOSTHUIZEN
Three golfers were in contention for the Wanamaker Trophy That I Keep Thinking Is Called The Wanamaker Cup as they hit their eighth set of nines in four days.
Brooks Koepka, the major machine, with four wins at the US Open and PGA Championship since June 2017. Phil Mickelson, the lefty legend, who, when he retires at age 210, or simply now, will be celebrated the greatest to ever pick up a club with the right hand on top.
The third? A man you may have heard me worship many times on Puttering Around. A dude who some consider the greatest to ever play golf, or sports, or just live. I’m not sure who those people are, other than myself, but they definitely exist, as members of the Oostfanclub. A South African named Lodewicus Theodorus OOOOOOOOSTHUIZEN.
Oostie has a case for the most illustrious golfer to have never won on American soil - the PGA Tour’s response to Arvydas Sabonis or Valeri Kharmalov. He hoisted the Claret Jug with a 7 stroke cushion. He has placed second at every major, including two losses in playoffs. He totalled 29 wins on the Euro, Asian, and Sunshine Tours.
After missing 6 of his first 7 starts, it’s rare to find a year when Louis doesn’t deliver in the majors. I’m not saying there’s a correlation, but the only times since his huge 2010 performance at the Old Course, the only years in which he could not Top 10 at one of the four biggies, Barack Obama or Donald Trump conducted affairs in the Oval Office. The same could be said for me, although I’ll have to tack on Joe Biden if I cannot get over the hump at Torrey Pines or Royal St Georges.
While that may be a comically stupid statistic, Oostie’s vicinity to the winner’s circle is evident - 9 Top 9s are no joke.
As a self-described Oostan (I loathe all stan culture, unless it applies to the Oosgoat), these days are fun. I don’t need the frequent wins. I won’t fret over missed cuts. When you have as good a name as Lodewicus Theodorus Oosthuizen, I’ll follow you to the end of the Earth even if you can’t break 100 at Kiawah. And I won’t complain about the Oostmaster General in contention at the PGA Championship either - even if I don’t expect a Wanamaker Cup Jug Jacket Medal Award Prize Trophy, seeing the Oostster in the mix is so much fun. Although it’s disappointing he hasn’t won in the States, it makes Sundays that much more enriching, as maybe this could be the day that Louis Oosthuizen breaks through.
FLOWER POWER AWARD: RICKIE FOWLER
Rickie Fowler is back. Since the COVID restart, his best finish was a T12 at the Rocket Mortgage Classic, and we’re coming up on the first anniversary of that Bryson DeChambeau Detroit win. 17th at TPC San Antonio was the highlight of the 2020-21 season.
This week, he gained the 17th most strokes approach the green, 24th around the greens, and 13th on the green. He T-Ate (that means tied for 8th), and came a putt away from tying for fourth and receiving an invitation to next year’s Masters.
Brooks Koepka and OOOOSTHUIZEN get a lot of credit for their performances when the lights are brightest. Proverbial lights; They aren’t outstanding night golfers - tune in next week to find my midnight golf power rankings. Yet, Fowler, while he may not have the big win to show for it, he has been one of the best players in the best events. In 2014, he went T5, T3, Double T2, one of 3 years with multiple Top 10s at the big four, and accounting for 50% of his EIGHT Top 5s at the US, British PGA, and Masters, in addition to a T2 and a victory at the Players Championship.
I pulled out strokes gained statistics. I utilized figures on Rickie’s form when the stakes are high. Yet, this was all a set-up, for a pun. (Flashback to set up twist at the end of movie) I lured you in, with the Trojan Horse of an informed piece on the Rickie Fowler conundrum.
Instead, in an Ocean’s 11-esque reveal, I have been wasting your time for paragraphs on a play on words.
Rickie Flower, the name he was called on the opening tee at the Arnold Palmer Invitational, put the petal (not pedal) to the metal during his T8 at the PGA Championship.
See what I did there?
(PEOPLE CLAPPING) AWARD: THE CLUB PROS
The club pros work extremely hard. They exert themselves to do just about anything and everything. Go to any country club, or municipal golf course, and you’ll likely see the club pro, maintaining the grass, dealing with business affairs, and giving advice to dozens of customers.
For most of the year, it’s a thankless job. For this week in late May, they finally receive some applause, be it from those they help every day, the adoring fans who shelled out their hard-earned money to watch them golf, or even the top players in the world.
We all know about the ascending amateurs that receive invitations to Augusta National Golf Club. We’re familiar with the open qualifying system that is the reason for the second word of US Open, which can allow anybody to enter the field if they earn it, with 13 year old Lev Grinberg coming quite close to punching a ticket to Torrey this year.
One of my favorite unique quirks of the PGA Championship is the honoring of the club pros, handing them the recognition they deserve.
That’s one of the coolest things about professional golf - they recognize that it’s a sport that everybody, from age 5 to 100 can play, and gives those who might not have the traditional opportunity to go pro live out their dreams.
In say, baseball, there aren’t millions of people, of all ages, who travel to different diamonds around the USA with bat and ball, or retirement communities filled with baseball players.
The PGA of America comprehends the mass everyman love for the sport, and honors everyone who plays as such.
In this major event, those honorees were the club pros, who merit the praise for working hard to enhance everybody’s experience from the moment their wheels hug the white lines of a parking lot to the second the parking spot becomes vacant. (Sorry if you don’t have a car or drive to the local course; I guess your club pro doesn’t make your situation better)
Congratulations to Ben Cook and Brad Marek (Bay Area guy!) for making the cut, when the BEST PLAYER IN THE WORLD, Dustin Johnson, could not. Thank you to all of these club pros for making this week an event to remember. Thank you to every club pro on every corner of the Earth for making every trip from first tee to 18th cup an unforgettable one.
SIDE NOTE:
In that last paragraph, I used the phrase “Corner of the Earth.” Am I a flat-earther?
Find out next week, right after our segment “Why The Lizard People of Cincinnati, Ohio Are The Liveliest Group Of Reptile-Men”
MOMENT OF THE TOURNAMENT: THE MARCH DOWN FAIRWAY #18
If you followed Phil Mickelson’s final hole through the PGA Tour shot tracker, or a similar application, #72 was only notable for you in its normalcy.
Mickelson aimed left of the fairway, a very conservative play employed all week by the 156 man field. Landing near the grandstands might be a double decapitation, yes, but it’ll avoid double bogey, granting a decent lie, and more importantly, no water in sight, other than the Mountain Dew guzzled by the hyper fans.
During the week, I frowned thinking about the potential for somebody to use that to protect a 2-shot lead as the PGA Championship concluded. Somehow, when that somebody’s birth certificate read Phillip Alfred Mickelson, born June 16, 1970, I had no issue with it. If anything, I was grateful that I wouldn’t have to sweat out a hole as scary as the long Par 3 17th, where Phil had to chip out of weeds and convert two pressure putts downhill towards the lake.
The second shot was right onto the green. Phil boasted some of the best scrambling skills in the field, but he didn’t want it to come down to his trademark flop shot. After finding the green, Phil had 3 putts to win, thanks to Brooks Koepka failing to birdie the final hole. He only needed two, and the Wanamaker Trophy was his.
Nonchalant hole, right? That facile explanation hardly does it justice. Unfortunately, those following through a bunch of colorful arrows did not witness the drama of the 72nd.
Sadly, on the PGA Tour app/site, there is no denoting of a herd of thrilled, possibly slightly drunk, Phil Phans charging down the fairway behind their hero.
Some may have been displeased with the crowd control at the event. Brooks Koepka certainly was, and for good reason, as they endangered the (possibly nonexistent) knees which earned him millions of dollars every year.
Still, Phil Mickelon’s run to PGA Championship Champion (REMEMBER: You can’t call him PGA champion because that could refer to any number of things) was not silent like Collin Morikawa’s. It was loud. It was powerfl. Because there were several hordes behind him, amazed at every twist and turn as the man they revered turned back the clock.
This was Phil Mickelson and caddie/brother Tim’s win. Yet, what made it so special was the sense of community it carried. Thousands of people were brought together, after never interacting during lifetimes of residency on Planet Earth. And for that moment, they were all one. They were a bunch of individuals, who formed a blob, all united around a common goal, a common man, that celebrated one of the greatest achievements in the game since King James IV of Scotland hit the links for the first time in 1502.
These are the moments I’ve missed the most over the past year. The ecstatic moments. The emotional moments. The moments where millions of fans can connect over a single moment in sport. The moments that through a simple game, give people a sense of belonging, and a memory they will never forget
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