Puttering Around: The Masters Real Predictions

 (If you are incompetent at reading titles but literate when it comes to chunks of text, this is our actual predictions, where we y’know, actually predict stuff. Coming out soon is our fake bets, where I preview The Masters via a series of fictional wagers)


Following months of anticipation, The Masters has returned, with fans patrons coming back to the hallowed grounds we call Augusta National. It was the most recent major, changing course while remaining at the iconic course and hosting the quest for a green jacket in November. Dustin Johnson ran away with the trophy in 2020, but this year’s field looks to be deeper than a philosophy lesson courtesy of Bryson DeChambeau. Prepare your egg salad sandwiches. Prepare Ray Charles’ “Georgia On My Mind” for your Spotify playlist. Prepare to put on any article of clothing with a shade of green on it. Sit back, watch the totally real birds chirp, take in one of the most beautiful places on Earth, and relax as hundreds of players duke it out for a life-changing windbreaker. No pressure or anything!  With the marriage of relaxation and pressure comes The Masters, where a man will score one of his greatest achievements in his life. With that in mind, let’s get into some one run-on sentence predictions!



Collin Morikawa to Win (28-1)

Collin Morikawa Top 10 (+200)


Just wanna confirm that at +2800 to win, we are talking about the same Collin Morikawa with 3 wins (plus a playoff loss) since COVID hit, including a major and World Golf Championship, right?


Shane Lowry Top Irishman (+220)


Lowry only needs to overcome Rory McIlroy, who comes off a missed cut at the Players, and is NOT a defending major (British Open in Lowry’s case) champion, and as we know, all that matters in picks is whether you won a tournament almost two years ago and an Atlantic Ocean away


Martin Laird Top Scotsman (+140)


If there’s one thing we know about Augusta, other than their tasty ice cream sandwiches and star-studded membership list, it’s that it favors experience, something 38 year old Laird, whose name sounds strangely like a surfer dude, can take advantage of, compared to the favored Robert MacIntyre, a debutant with no dress, gloves, or cotillion ball ready.


Sergio Garcia Top Spaniard (+200)


Sergio comes off a Top 10 at TPC Sawgrass and quarterfinal appearance at the WGC Match Play, even with some ghastly misses on the green he won’t repeat, but outstanding ball striking ability (hole in one at the Match Play during a playoff), against Jon Rahm, who is yet to make a massive splash this season, and may not have Georgia on his mind (See what I did there) with a baby entering his household.


No Double Eagle/Albatross (-5000)


Convenient time to remind you that my man OOOOOOSTHUIZEN is the only player in the 21st century to score an albatross at Augusta.


Ian Woosnan to make the cut (+1000)

Bryson DeChambeau to miss the cut (+700)


When it comes to made/missed cuts, anything can happen, and it’s hard to pick against a Welsh Wizard like Woosnan (when you have the largest mammal as your country name, I can’t bet against you), and difficult to gamble on DeChambeau at Augusta, who is always prone to some errant shots, on full display with his difficulties in Georgia in November


Jordan Spieth Over Bryson DeChambeau (+120)


See above, and Oh Yeah, Right: Jordan Spieth didn’t just win in San Antonio this week - he WOWed there, as in impressive approaches and putts to defeat Charley Hoffman by a pair of strokes, not hit multiplayer RPG World Of Warcraft


Billy Horschel Over Justin Rose  (-125)


Recently, you might’ve seen Billy Horschel beat top golfers like Collin Morikawa, Max Homa, Tommy Fleetwood, and Scottie Scheffler head-to-head to win a World Golf Championship, and if you tuned in for the aforementioned WGC Match Play, you may have seen Justin Rose in the MasterCard commercials, telling you all you need to know about who is playing golf at a high level and who is interjecting with witty quips at a high level (For the record, I’d rather be in the latter category)


Lee Westwood Over Hideki Matsuyama (+120)


Westwood went on a Florida HEATER (the Florida Heaters: coming to a Minor League Soccer stadium near you, if you live in Jacksonville) with back-to-back runners-up, while Matsuyama continues to put together finishes more lackluster than Mission Impossible 74: Tom Cruise In A Wheelchair, although, on second thought, I’m 100% in for MI74! 


Dustin Johnson, Jordan Spieth, Bryson DeChambeau, Justin Thomas, Jon Rahm, Or Rory McIlroy to win (+110)


I enjoy speculating on a snazzy underdog to put on a green jacket as much as the next person who says words like “snazzy underdog,” but the reality is, The Masters endears itself to the best golfers there are, and that’s what this crew consists of.


OOOOOSTHUIZEN TO WIN (80-1)


I made those Morikawa + all the favorites bets to catch your eye and entertain you for a few dozen words, but it’s time to get serious, so let’s take the OostMaster General himself to win the Masters

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