Monday Night Bites: Fall Guys and Luka

 Entertainment: Fall Guys

2 weeks late to the party, but I’ve had a blast so far playing Fall Guys, the game where you can dress up as a hot dog, cactus, or whatever strange thing they’re selling in the shop today and participate in fun games where you try to chase tails or put eggs in your team’s pit. (Neither of those are sexual references, they’re actual games you can play to advance to the next round.) This party game/battle royale combo has become one of my favorite activities during NBA blowouts, as this rated G Hunger Games allows players to accomplish dreams of theirs like jumping through literal hoops and an obstacle course you must quickly complete to avoid the killer slime. I’m beginning to think the developers broke into an oneirologist’s (dream therapist, thank you Google) office and just made everything more fun. Although its innocence makes Mario Kart look like GTA V, my buddy Logan and I love to fantasize about a real-life Fall Guys. All the falling (couldn’t have predicted that from the title) would result in more injuries than the tackle football on the roof game that my third grade friends dreamed of playing. With obstacles like rapidly spinning windmill blades and enlarged pieces of fruit, even Bruce Willis from Unbreakable would emerge with a few scratches. If you thought I made this game up 20 minutes ago for some content for this column, I really can’t blame you. However, it is a real game, and a fun one at that. If you like wearing a Big Bad Wolf costume while trying to push Ohio Stadium-sized balls towards your side of the arena, this is the game for you.


Sports: LUKA!

I’d say I was speechless after Luka Doncic’s game winning stepback three against the Clippers, but I started yelling and high-fiving my dad, so that wouldn’t be entirely accurate. I’m also not sure where I should be on the “I told you so scale.” (For those of you keeping score at home, Nick Young is a 1, and Joe Namath is a 10.) On one hand, I’ve been on the Luka train from the beginning. I saw him play during my year in Spain, one of the greatest sports experiences of my life, and I’ve been into him since, facepalming three times on the night of the draft. On the other five digits, I scoffed at my friend’s foolishness before the NBA season began when he felt like the Mavs had a good shot to sneak into the playoffs. On a recent NBA podcast with my dad, I thought the Clippers might bring out the brooms. In the end, I’d put myself somewhere in the middle, an inconsistent performer, perhaps the Jamal Murray or Will Ferrell of Luka Doncic predictors. Now that I’ve thrown in the towel on the Oakland hero upsetting Los Angeles’ team, I at least want to mess with one Southern California team. Therefore, I’ll be putting all my energy into yodeling during Clipper free throws, effective immediately. If anyone has LAPD connections, I’d also love to stop the missing persons investigation for the Paul George who placed third in MVP voting last year. While I await the Warriors’ return from Edge of Extinction during the conference finals, more Kawhi vs Luka duels should suffice for entertainment

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