Monday Night Bites: Hocus Pocus and Sports Therapy

 Entertainment: Hocus Pocus

(Will warn when spoilers begin)

I had the pleasure (I think?) of watching Hocus Pocus, a movie I can only sum up by comparing it to Kobe. A generation worships it, but when I see them with a skeptic’s eye, the hype doesn’t hold up, however I can see its more redeeming qualities and understand why so many people loved it so much. Last year in class for Halloween, we watched part of the 1993 cult classic, but I was at that point where I was already checked out for the day, ready to go on a sugar high. Last weekend, I got to enjoy critiquing every slight plot inconsistency, with no sweets corrupting my pedantic mind. (Spoiler warning starts here. Go away if you don’t want to hear the events of a Halloween movie release in the summer rated 37% on Rotten Tomatoes). Let’s quickly get a few (just a few I’ll list here, but there are more than there have been Cleveland Browns QBs) plot holes off my chest before beginning: The cat learned to talk, the cat somehow died, the witches chase after the protagonist’s sister despite plenty of children to kill at the moment,  and the premise was a kids movie where witches killed children (Not a plot hole, just the strangest thing to happen in a children’s movie, any event in The Bee Movie excluded). I really enjoyed it during the moments where I turned my brain off and went along for the ride, almost like I was JR Smith this season. I use the same techniques to enjoy non-SF Giants regular season baseball. The most fun moments were the ones where the film took itself the least seriously, just going full on over the top for some fun. That’s what I ask for from a non-horror Halloween movie: not a quality movie, just some good fun. On the topic of holiday content, why are there no Thanksgiving songs/movies? The only movie I know is the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving, and the only songs associated with Thanksgiving are NFL TV themes and my sister’s anthem from preschool, Albuquerque the Turkey(she said Albaturkey). Overall, Hocus Pocus served as a good opener to the month of October, similar to one of those NFL kickoff games where it isn’t very good, but really gets you in the mood. 

Sports: Therapy Session

After a tough day resulting in a Laker title and 49ers blowout against the Miami Dolphins, I wanted to devote my life to putting together a therapy room for depressed  fans like myself: Sports Therapy: Primarily for residents of Cleveland and Detroit, but other cities are accepted. Will be located in Wyoming for its separation from all sports, besides mediocre Mountain West action. For those of you keeping score at home, other nominees included North Dakota(crosses off for NDSU FCS dynasty), South Dakota (Mount Rushmore makes fans think of other Mount Rushmores), Idaho (Boise State), New Mexico (vicinity to Texas), and Montana (this is therapy, not cruel and unusual punishment). Nothing pertaining to animals would be involved, seeing the large quantity of teams with animal mascots. A TV screen would show Rocky/Creed movies over and over (not V, because again, this isn’t cruel and unusual punishment), as I figure boxing is too much of a niche sport to be threatening to patients’ health. Knowledge of weather would not be allowed, especially with the recent success of the Seattle Storm and Miami Heat. The scene would be set like the year was 1972 for the therapist to convince you that you were a Miami Dolphins fan for their undefeated season. Prices start at “Commit to Sacramento Kings and Washington Football Team fandom for the rest of your life”

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