Ranking the Thieves of Ocean's 8
Ocean's 8 may not touch the sky-high bar that Ocean's 11 set, but the predominantly female cast still made a fun heist movie. While the leaders of the crew, played by Sandra Bullock and Cate Blanchett, did not meet the quality that George Clooney an Brad Pitt got us used to, younger actresses like rapper and pop star Rihanna and comic actress Awkwafina showed the audience more fun than a barrel of monkeys. In a future heist, some of the thieves in Ocean's 8 would have a role equivalent to that of a backup quarterback, while others would be put in the driver's seat. We rank the titular robbers based on their ability in a future heist.
8. Rose Weil (played by Helena Bonham Carter)
Rose's spot on this list is not the fault of the actress who played her. She was one of the most fun characters of the bunch, as a ditzy fashionista. The thing was, as a fashion designer, there's not much she could do in a future appearance, as they'd have to steal another wearable item if they want to give her another big role. In Ocean's 8, she did well at her job, but there aren't many more situations where they could use her. It would be like having a kicker play running back and linebacker, as she should only be used situationally. Rose definitely came through in her position, but in future films, she'll probably just be dead weight.
7. Lou Miller (played by Cate Blanchett)
I came into Ocean's 8 expecting Lou to do a lot of the heavy lifting. In my Ocean's 11 rankings, I put Brad Pitt's Rusty Ryan at the #1 spot, and with Lou in the same basic role as the "best friend." Unfortunately, she didn't really get to do anything, and Blanchett's acting talents and massive paycheck went to waste. Her only role in the heist was bringing in The Amazing Yen, from the original trilogy, to do some physical work. I wouldn't be surprised if she helped lead the criminals in future movies, but Lou had no role in the first big job of her career.
6. Amita (played by Mindy Kaling)
I'm a big Mindy Kaling fan, but like Cate Blanchett, her huge contract went to waste, with the writers handing her next to nothing. She's primarily known for her comedy, but her character, Amita didn't get so much as a chance to flex her humor muscles (which I subconsciously value in my rankings), or help out on the job much. She was key in cutting up the necklace, but if you gave Rick Santorum those power tools, he could probably figure out how to cut up the diamonds. Also, if they were looking to pull a job not involving jewlery, Amita wouldn't have any purpose. Amita is great, should Debbie Ocean and her gang decide to steal another necklace. If not, she'll just be hanging around, living on her reputation like Michael Jordan in his stint with the Wizards.
5. Tammy (played by Sarah Paulson)
Tammy reminds me a lot of Matt Damon's Linus Caldwell in the original movies. She's very good at criminal activities, but it's still unclear what her area of expertise is and how she can contribute. Her resposibility in Ocean's 8 was to join Vogue. This had nothing to do with her previous knowledge and experience. The suburban mother is undeniably good at making a few bucks fencing goods out of her garage, but Debbie and her band of thieves want more than a truck full of SodaStream machines. When Tammy finds her role, she'll be one of the most valuable women of Ocean's 8. Until then, she's just your everyday robber mom.
4. Daphne Kluger (played by Anne Hathaway)
It's still unclear what this famous actress played by a famous actress can provide to a group of people trying to steal stuff. However, her fame will open a lot of doors for the team. As she proved in Ocean's 8, Daphne can allow the crew to be able to steal stuff that would normally be impossible, no matter the size of the heist. Despite her not knowing how she can consistently help, Kluger's fame will make things much easier.
3. 9 Ball (played by Rihanna)
9 Ball is the resident hacker of the group, doing things online that make the impossible possible. She seems to be a cheat code in a game of burglary, allowing Debbie and Co. to do whatever they want without being seen. She's the Muggsy Bogues of criminals, unnoticeable until Bam! she steals from you. The only thing I don't know about 9 Ball is whether she's the best in the world or just an average hacker.
2. Constance (played by Awkwafina)
Constance has proven herself to be one of Earth's great pickpockets, taking stuff and taking off before people realize it's gone. One example of this was when she met Debbie and Lou and swiped both of their watches perfectly. While I can't identify where many people on this list would be used, Constance can be utilized in any mission with her paving the road to the desired item. Her love for playing cards is also very attractive, should they try to pull a casino job a la Ocean's 11/Ocean's 13. The only problem is that it feels like stealing using her. Oh wait! That's because it is stealing if you use her.
1. Debbie Ocean (played by Sandra Bullock)
I was not a fan of Sandra Bullock's portrayal of protagonist Debbie Ocean. It lacked the charisma that George Clooney brought to Debbie's brother, Danny. While Danny seemed like a good guy, Debbie came off as a hardened criminal with an edge to her. That being said, she's a fantastic thief. Her tricks at the beginning to get some free beauty products and a night at a ritzy hotel was brilliant. She wound up not doing anything in the heist, but she was the center of it. That's the genius of Debbie Ocean. She had seven capable individuals at her hands. They were all good at what they did, but it was Debbie who put them all together to make a masterpiece of thefts and steal a $150 million necklace.
8. Rose Weil (played by Helena Bonham Carter)
Rose's spot on this list is not the fault of the actress who played her. She was one of the most fun characters of the bunch, as a ditzy fashionista. The thing was, as a fashion designer, there's not much she could do in a future appearance, as they'd have to steal another wearable item if they want to give her another big role. In Ocean's 8, she did well at her job, but there aren't many more situations where they could use her. It would be like having a kicker play running back and linebacker, as she should only be used situationally. Rose definitely came through in her position, but in future films, she'll probably just be dead weight.
7. Lou Miller (played by Cate Blanchett)
I came into Ocean's 8 expecting Lou to do a lot of the heavy lifting. In my Ocean's 11 rankings, I put Brad Pitt's Rusty Ryan at the #1 spot, and with Lou in the same basic role as the "best friend." Unfortunately, she didn't really get to do anything, and Blanchett's acting talents and massive paycheck went to waste. Her only role in the heist was bringing in The Amazing Yen, from the original trilogy, to do some physical work. I wouldn't be surprised if she helped lead the criminals in future movies, but Lou had no role in the first big job of her career.
6. Amita (played by Mindy Kaling)
I'm a big Mindy Kaling fan, but like Cate Blanchett, her huge contract went to waste, with the writers handing her next to nothing. She's primarily known for her comedy, but her character, Amita didn't get so much as a chance to flex her humor muscles (which I subconsciously value in my rankings), or help out on the job much. She was key in cutting up the necklace, but if you gave Rick Santorum those power tools, he could probably figure out how to cut up the diamonds. Also, if they were looking to pull a job not involving jewlery, Amita wouldn't have any purpose. Amita is great, should Debbie Ocean and her gang decide to steal another necklace. If not, she'll just be hanging around, living on her reputation like Michael Jordan in his stint with the Wizards.
5. Tammy (played by Sarah Paulson)
Tammy reminds me a lot of Matt Damon's Linus Caldwell in the original movies. She's very good at criminal activities, but it's still unclear what her area of expertise is and how she can contribute. Her resposibility in Ocean's 8 was to join Vogue. This had nothing to do with her previous knowledge and experience. The suburban mother is undeniably good at making a few bucks fencing goods out of her garage, but Debbie and her band of thieves want more than a truck full of SodaStream machines. When Tammy finds her role, she'll be one of the most valuable women of Ocean's 8. Until then, she's just your everyday robber mom.
4. Daphne Kluger (played by Anne Hathaway)
It's still unclear what this famous actress played by a famous actress can provide to a group of people trying to steal stuff. However, her fame will open a lot of doors for the team. As she proved in Ocean's 8, Daphne can allow the crew to be able to steal stuff that would normally be impossible, no matter the size of the heist. Despite her not knowing how she can consistently help, Kluger's fame will make things much easier.
3. 9 Ball (played by Rihanna)
9 Ball is the resident hacker of the group, doing things online that make the impossible possible. She seems to be a cheat code in a game of burglary, allowing Debbie and Co. to do whatever they want without being seen. She's the Muggsy Bogues of criminals, unnoticeable until Bam! she steals from you. The only thing I don't know about 9 Ball is whether she's the best in the world or just an average hacker.
2. Constance (played by Awkwafina)
Constance has proven herself to be one of Earth's great pickpockets, taking stuff and taking off before people realize it's gone. One example of this was when she met Debbie and Lou and swiped both of their watches perfectly. While I can't identify where many people on this list would be used, Constance can be utilized in any mission with her paving the road to the desired item. Her love for playing cards is also very attractive, should they try to pull a casino job a la Ocean's 11/Ocean's 13. The only problem is that it feels like stealing using her. Oh wait! That's because it is stealing if you use her.
1. Debbie Ocean (played by Sandra Bullock)
I was not a fan of Sandra Bullock's portrayal of protagonist Debbie Ocean. It lacked the charisma that George Clooney brought to Debbie's brother, Danny. While Danny seemed like a good guy, Debbie came off as a hardened criminal with an edge to her. That being said, she's a fantastic thief. Her tricks at the beginning to get some free beauty products and a night at a ritzy hotel was brilliant. She wound up not doing anything in the heist, but she was the center of it. That's the genius of Debbie Ocean. She had seven capable individuals at her hands. They were all good at what they did, but it was Debbie who put them all together to make a masterpiece of thefts and steal a $150 million necklace.
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