Monday Night Bites: Beetlejuice and World Series Preview

 Entertainment: Beetlejuice

Will warn about spoilers midway through before I begin to spoil

Since my last Halloween movie review went so well (I have no clue if that’s true but I’m writing this column anyway), I’m doing another. This time, we’ve got another 20th century classic in Beetlejuice, directed by Tim Burton, perhaps the strangest director I’ve watched whose movies are actually good. Burton also directed The Nightmare before Christmas, a film I’m not sure fits in Halloween or Christmas (as a result, it’s a staple for neither holiday for my family). 

Actors have lived on into the 21st century, including Alec Baldwin playing the despicable Donald Trump (who seems an over the top villain IRL) on SNL and Winona Ryder starring as Joyce Byers in Stranger Things. Interestingly, Ryder’s personality and appearance in Beetlejuice are strangely reminiscent of Eleven, another of the main characters on Stranger Things. Michael Keaton also has a big role, his over the top role strongly differing from his relatively normal performances as Batman and Vulture. 

(Spoilers start here. If you don’t want to watch the movie, at least YouTube “Winona Ryder Jump in the Line”)

The film is a clever idea: a pretty straight up scary-ish story with a wild card named Betelgeuse. The general concept is just another generic horror movie, almost like the Super Bowl XLVII winning Baltimore Ravens who took home the Lombardi without reinventing the wheel. The premise is a couple dying, and being ghosts in their own home as a new family inhabits it, pretty par for the horror movie Pebble Beach. However, you then add Michael Keaton’s Betelgeuse and you’ve got a Lamar Jackson surrounded by a pretty normal supporting cast, a fun injection of energy to the movie. 

Betelgeuse is just a You-Know-Who type for the first half, talked about nervously as we gear up for him to rear his ugly head again, similar to the Sacramento Kings front office (can’t make Bill O’Brien jokes anymore, so my neighbor Sactown is my next target). Burton and Co. also do a great job setting this environment of ghosts, where there’s an atmosphere, government, and environment of an afterlife, not a blissful one, but a bureaucratic one like our beloved United States. 

The people now inhabiting the place discover the ghosts, and begin to exploit it for personal gain (and this movie was made too early for this to be an NCAA metaphor!). This is where Betelgeuse finally enters our story, via people repeating his name 3 straight times. Unfortunately, the writers couldn’t freeze themselves and travel to the future, where Will Ferrell in Austin Powers could teach them that you must actually repeat something 3 times in a row, with no breaks in between. Frustratingly, every time they call for Betelgeuse, they interrupt themselves between their repetitions. Questions I wonder as a result: “When does the Statute of Limitations on repeating expire?” and consequently “Do I have a life aside from thinking about plot holes in 80s movies?” 

Betelgeuse wreaks havoc like the second half Super Bowl Patriots (28-3. I’m not even gonna say the team out of respect for Kyle Shanahan and because everyone knows what team I’m talking about), but gets stopped on the one yard line more to the tune of the 99-00 Titans, as Keaton’s character tries to rapidly age and kill the ghosts (don’t ask, I don’t know either) and marry Winona Ryder, who was 17 as the movie released. 

Finally, in the aftermath, as if my head didn’t hurt enough, Winona Ryder begins lip syncing Jump in the Line, a song I assume was popular when it came out in 1961, while levitating for no good reason. That’s about all the weird moments I have to awkwardly summarize, but go watch the movie if you’d like to witness these firsthand.

Sports: World Series

Yes, the Fall Classic is here. Of course, we have the heavy favorite, big market Tampa Bay Rays spending billions on established players like Randy Arozarena. Then, we have the lovable underdog LA Dodgers, with great homegrown talent like Mookie Betts. 

PSA: I don’t actually believe anything in the last sentence I wrote, but it was funny thinking about people thinking I believed it.

We’re at the point with baseball where there’s the largest disparity possible between regular season and postseason: you’d have to pay me to watch a non-Giants regular season game, but you’d have to pay me to miss a playoff game. Even without the environment a packed house of fans provide, the thrill of the sport is enough to carry it. 

Clearly, the Dodgers will be favored: their lineup is so stacked they’ve had Kike Hernandez and Joc Pederson pinch hitting sometimes despite being would-be heart of the order guys for many teams. The Rays have rookie phenom Randy Arozarena hitting over .350 with 7 homers for the postseason. Their lineup outside of the Cuban breakout star hasn’t been impressive. 

However, they win the pitching battle, with two Cy Young caliber hurlers (always wanted to use the word hurlers in an article. Bucket list/bingo card item down!) in Blake Snell and Charlie Morton and a fantastic closer in Diego Castillo. On the other end, you have the Dodgers, with Walker Buehler being as reliable as his pants are tight(very). Aside from Ferris, they aren’t the most reliable crew. Closer Kenley Jansen and ace Clayton Kershaw can be some of the best in the sport, but somehow decide not to a lot during the playoffs. We saw this during last night’s Game 7, where Dave Roberts stuck with the objectively inferior Julio Urias instead of either of the two. 

The Dodgers seem to have the advantage in the batter’s box, whereas Tampa has the edge on the mound. Since I’m not a good enough baseball analyst to make a decisive prediction, I’ll say this: whichever team gives 110% will win. If they both do, I suppose they could split the trophy or something. Actually, you then pull a King Solomon and ask both teams to split the trophy and whichever says they’d rather the other keep it (most likely neither) gets it. This tangent has gotten ridiculous: I’m comparing the villainous Rob Manfred to a Biblical figure. 

The stakes? Not just a “piece of metal,” but the great title of Best Sports City. Tampa already has the Stanley Cup. SoCal keeps the Larry O’Brien trophy. This would give one city a decisive edge in the race, while the Rams and Bucs (I’m told the Chargers also play in LA, but can’t find any fans to confirm) look solid on the path to the Super Bowl. 

It’s also time for my favorite time of year: my fellow teens (this really makes it sound like I’m Dan Quayle impersonating a 14 year old) bandwagoning baseball teams after not paying attention all year. Logan, who has Instagram unlike myself, reports many people “suddenly” coming out of the closet as Dodger fans. I’m so happy for my friends that their favorite baseball teams are somehow in the Fall Classic every year!

It’s awesome that baseball got their act together. Hopefully, this World Series will end in a Rays win. My sports watching career has had 0 Laker titles and no Dodger championships. 2 in this year could be a huge blow for me to stomach. Oh well, we’ll see. I almost feel bad about how good I’ve had it in 2020: I’ve missed things like live sports, but everything has been fairly normal and chill at home. A Lakers/Dodgers combo year would make me at least be able to say “2020, tough year man.” 

Rabbit Holes of the Week:

After my Dan Quayle comment, went down this rabbit hole. SNL must’ve felt like cheating when they were handed these quotes on a silver platter: https://www.bauer.uh.edu/rsusmel/Other/Quayle.htm 

Strangest thing in Beetlejuice, and there were a lot of weird ones, but Winona Ryder lip syncing and flying for no evident reason may be the winner. It’s just so random, and boy, do I love random: https://youtu.be/QooqZkNk8Bw